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Random thoughts while drinking....

May 20, 2011

Now that hockey season is over....I don't really have much to blog about!  Ok, that is a lie...I am often thinking to myself that "(insert idea)...would be great for my blog"...but I am either too busy, tired, or lazy to write a creative blog post.  Tonight I am having a cocktail (or six) and thought I would just randomly write about a few things.

Being a fan of BRAVO Reality TV (housewives, TopChef, Bethany, etc.) I decided to pick up a bottle of Skinny Girl Margarita at the liqueur store last month.  Um...HELLO!!!  This stuff is AMAZING!  Being a fan of margaritas, but not a fan of the high caloric intake while consuming them....I am hooked (four bottles later)!  Did you know that in 1.5 ounces of Skinny Girl Margarita there are ONLY 37.5 calories,  and 1.43 carbohydrates.  Which means a whole bottle is 937.5 calories!!

I know, you are much alcohol is in it.  Let's just say I drank a half of a bottle one night and had a pretty good headache the next morning (I told my husband I had stomach issues and needed to stay in bed).  The taste is delicious, and it doesn't taste like the syrupy (word?) premixed margaritas previously on the market.

So if you like a margarita, and don't want the guilt.....check out your local liqueur store and stock up buy the Skinny Girl Margarita!!

I have been working out five days a week, and watching what I eat.  My husband says he can tell I have lost weight, but the number on the scale has stayed pretty much the same.  If you remember this and would know we get our exercise on at the local YMCA.  I have had a few observations this week.

  • Hey you....young man in your late twenties!  I see you in your jeans, work boots and wife-beater tank top.  You grunt as you try to lift heavy weights, with REALLY BAD form.  I am sorry, but I am not excited by your display of muscle.  Instead of drooling over you, I am laughing about your small penis and subdued homosexual display as you pump weights with your friend.  I am not a professional (although I have had a personal trainer certificate through the National Academy of Sports Medicine for six years now, but what do I know) lifting a weight that is so heavy you can only do it three times (with bad form) not impressive!  

PS...I saw you try a new exercise today, and fail!  Seems that watching an exercise on YOUTUBE and doing it successfully are two different things.  

PSS....what is up with your two gallons of water and tupperware with baked chicken?  You are at the YMCA in Smalltown, are not at Gold's Gym on Venice Beach!

Did you know that if you watch every Stanley Cup playoff game....and each series possibly went to seven would end up watching 105 possible games!  
Guess what has been on our TV every night!  

I got a new pole!  It is an X-Pole....and it is almost two feet taller than my last pole (which I sold)!  This one has a spectacular view!


The one about being stuck...

May 14, 2011

When you move twice a year, you tend to leave things in one home...only to be in another home wishing you had them.

A few seasons back, I had to decide what I would leave in our summer home as we headed out to our "hockey" home.  Since we were moving to a colder climate, I figured I would leave all of my beach clothes, cover-ups, hats, bags, etc.  No use packing things that wouldn't be used for the next eight months.
image courtesy of Google Image search

However, at the end of the hockey season we had booked a trip to the Dominican Republic.  Since we would not be returning to our cottage before the trip, I had to purchase a few items that would be appropriate for the beach.  Dresses, swim suits, beach bags, cover-ups, etc.
image courtesy of Google Image search

Before our big trip, we happened to take a (long) drive to visit my home state, and see my family.  This is where I planned to make my purchases.  My (skinny) sister helped me find some swimsuits....I appreciated her keeping her laughter inside of her head.  If you remember this post, then you know how much I love finding a swimsuit!
image courtesy of Google Image search

Late one evening, I left my husband with the kids while I ran down to ROSS to look at dresses.
image courtesy of Google Image search

As I scanned the racks I grabbed a few dresses to try on.  The store was closing in 20 minutes, and I knew I didn't have much time.  I grabbed different styles, sizes, etc and headed toward the dressing rooms.

After stripping down to my bra and panties I grabbed another dress.  I had to work a little bit to get it over my chest, but once I got it on the dress seemed to fit.  (My body type consists of a 36C chest, a smaller waist, and some hips and a butt.  I am somewhat of a muscular build). See photo of me below!
This is me in the pool at the Dominican Republic!


As I looked at myself in the mirror, I decided I was not a fan of the dress and I didn't care to purchase it. I knew the store was closing, and I had a few more dresses I wanted to try on.

I crossed my arms in front of my chest to pull the dress back over the my head.  As I did this, my back muscles expanded, and I instantly felt the fabric of the dress stretch to its maximum point overtop of my back...creating a strait-jacket effect.
image courtesy of Google Image search
"Oh my God....the dress is too tight and is now stuck on my body!"

I quickly reassessed...was there a zipper I had missed?  How was I going to get out of this dress?  Beads of sweat began to form on my upper lip....

image courtesy of Google Image search


I decided I was not going to be able get this dress off over my head and chest....but if I could get one arm inside...I could get the dress on an angle and get it over my head this way....I contorted my elbow and started pushing it inside the arm opening (this was a sleeveless dress)  My arm was bent like a chicken wing...part inside and part out....and now that too was stuck!  OH SHIT!
image courtesy of Google Image search

I quickly thought about ways to get out of this situation.....
  • Call my sister and beg her to come down (with scissors)
  • Walk out of the dressing room with the dress on and proclaim how much I adored it and insist I purchase it without removing it from my body.
  • Walk out in my contorted state and confess that I was stuck....lose all since of dignity and let the employees have a good laugh at my expense.
  • Hide in the dressing room all night, praying I don't set off any alarms as I try to remove the dress overnight....

The blare of the store PA system woke me from my panic and made me focus.....I was going to have to get out of this dress.  I squeezed, contorted, and finally ripped the dress to get out of it.....I hung the dress up, put my clothes back on and I ran walked out of store without any pride...and a large bruise on my arm.
image courtesy of Google Image search

I still suffer from a little guilt when I think about leaving the torn dress....but then my sister's laughter about the time I got stuck in a dress always snaps me out of it!

Random thoughts....

May 5, 2011

Yesterday I was on the elliptical trainer reading the latest issue of HEALTH magazine when I began reading an article about various exercises guaranteed to tone my post-(two)baby body!  I eagerly scanned over the pictures of a size 0 model who has never birthed a child woman doing lunges, squats, planks, and "X-Jacks".   What is that?  You have never heard of X-Jacks?  Basically they are your basic jumping jack, but when you jump out and your body makes an "X"...your feet leave the ground!

If any of you have experienced the miracle of birthing a child through the birth will know that the only guarantee you will have from X-Jacks is wet pants!

I now have to plan for the slightest sneeze, cough, and laugh!  

I have a question.....

Is Mother's Day meant to be a day for others to dote on their mother while spending the afternoon together as a family?


Is Mother's Day a day for a mother to take a break and get to spend the day alone and away from her family?

Guess what we have in our house?  
My husband saw him/her a few times tonight.  I myself cannot stand mice, as they freak me out!  I don't know why my husband didn't make an emergency trip over to our 24 hour Walmart and pick up some traps.....but he doesn't think it is a big deal.  I am sure the mouse will come upstairs tonight and crawl on me while I sleep.  I wonder if there is room on top of my son's bunkbed?  Maybe I can get the Navy SEALS to land their helicopters in my yard and capture this mouse?  

In honor of our latest house guest, I will post a cartoon!

Go ahead and grab a cup of coffee (morning readers) or a glass of wine (evening readers)...or both (afternoon readers)..and take a moment to remember when cartoons were funny!

A Hippopotamus at Dinner...

May 4, 2011

I have been trying to find the energy to get back to my blog....I suppose a blog about being the wife of a hockey coach can mean I too only write during the hockey season.  I had decided to take the month of April off...while we moved from our hockey town to our summer town!  It takes a lot of energy to pack/unpack, clean, register children in new schools, and just get resettled.  Normally I look forward to our husband doesn't work and we basically have it pretty easy.  However, I just haven't been able to shake a small dark cloud of sadness, while trying to hide it with a smile!  You can read about it here.
Image courtesy of Google Image Search
I would like to take a moment to thank all of you who reached out with such nice words and thoughts.  Your comments meant a lot to me, and have made me miss the wonderful connections I have made through my blog.  Although I was not able to answer everyone....please know that your comments were read and truly appreciated.  I also want to let you know I have been keeping up with your blogs and although I have not been too great at leaving comments.....I have enjoyed reading them at night while I wait for my Tylenol PM to kick in!
Image courtesy of Google Image Search

Being a blogger (of 4 months) there have been moments I have thought  "I need to blog about this"...and if my memory serves me correctly, I will now try to get back to my witty self and fill you in on a few things that happened in April while I was away....Tales of a Hockey Wife style!

YMCA Locker Room Tales....

In the summer, we exercise at the local YMCA.  Since it is not a big town, this is the pretty much where the majority of people work out.  I like to upgrade our membership to the Fitness Locker Room, meaning it is an adult only locker room with showers that don't turn off every thirty seconds, a steam room, and a sauna.  It is not by any standards to be considered updated nor luxurious! Since our cottage has an outdated well and grey-water system...we like to shower at the YMCA as much as possible.  I have posted about the YMCA locker room before (here) as it offers a lot of great blogging material!
This is the latest.....

I was showering after my workout the other day, and as I pulled back the shower curtain to grab my towel from the eye caught someone on the ground next to my stall.  At first I thought it was a young boy who had crawled into the locker room and was peeping on me!
Image courtesy of Google Image Search
Upon a closer look, I noticed it was an older woman (she was quite petite) in her swimsuit, swimming cap, and goggles squatting while waddling around wiping the floors with a paper towel. (Can you picture it?)
Image courtesy of Google Image Search
Anyhow...if you can visualize this woman squatting in front of me, you can understand that her head was level with my naked lady-bits.  I think she noticed I was freaked-out a little taken back, because she told me she was cleaning the hair from the showers.  Since she didn't work there,  I can only wonder why she felt the need to clean other people's hair from the shower floor of a YMCA.

Free Lawn Care...

Three seasons ago we relocated and for some moment of stupidity, we purchased a home.  Seven months later we were leasing it out to a wonderful family as we once again moved for hockey.  I have been paying for TruGreen lawn service for the past two years to fertilize our lawn.  Today I got word our lawn is dead in the front yard.  I was sure TruGreen had chemically screwed up and ruined our grass.  I called them today to throw a fit talk to them.  When she verified my name and address she said 1429 84th Street.

"What did you just say?"

"1429 84th Street."

"Our home is 1429 84th PLACE!!!!"

There are two streets side by side in our neighborhood...84th Place (where our home is) and 84th Street (one block over).  Both of our homes have the same house number.  TruGreen has been fertilizing the wrong home for the past two years, while our lawn has not had one bit of fertilizer.  The worst part is that they have been leaving receipts (which I pay via online banking) on the wrong home's door each time, and they have never called to say TruGreen was at the wrong house.

Image courtesy of Google Image Search
I am currently waiting for the Manager of TruGreen to call me back....they will be reseeding my yard if they know what is best!

Dieting at the Golden Corral

Since coming home, I have been trying to exercise five days per week.  I have cut out most (bad for you) carbs and sugar...and only drink alcohol on weekends (unless I have been crying, then I feel as though I have burned enough calories while sobbing to justify a drink).  I have been logging all of my food here (I highly recommend it!)
So far I am reaching all goals.  I never weigh myself, instead I have two pairs of pants that I try on obsessively occasionally to see how they are fitting.

Our town got a Golden Corral this winter while we were away...and you would think by the overflowing parking lot they are giving food away in all-you-can eat portions (oh wait, they are)...As you can guess, our children have been begging for a chance to try out this new restaurant...tonight we gave in to their desires and finally took them to the glorious Corral!  
Image courtesy of Google Image Search
Of course I was a little concerned about my caloric intake at an all-you-can eat buffet.  As soon as I entered the front doors, I realized two very important things!
  • I actually am quite thin at the size I currently am!
  • There is no way I was going to be over my calories for the day!

Let me explain....

Where we live in the summer is not exactly going to make the 50 Most Healthiest Towns list.  It would be lucky to make it into the top 600.  Whomever was smart enough to bring a Golden Corral franchise to our town is probably sitting on their pile of money...laughing all the way to the bank!
Image courtesy of Google Image Search

Golden Corral is the equivalent to a Carnival Cruise pulling up and opening their buffet to the masses (minus the crab legs and ice sculptures)!  Although I am known to eat the occasional chocolate bar here...and I also have a small obsession with a certain chocolate cake here...for the most part I am a healthy person.

As I looked around at all of the plates piled high with mashed potatoes, meat loaf, BBQ ribs, fried shrimp, pizza, bread, apple dumplings, fried chicken, candied yams, chocolate pudding, apple pie, carrot cake, was obvious all five food groups were being represented....salty, sweet, fried, au Gratin, and buttered.
Image courtesy of Google Image Search

I will tell you the vegetables in the salad bar were all fresh and quite delicious.  I made myself a giant salad full of everything raw...and I used a small little cup to place my fat-free dressing (2 TBSP max).  For my second round I used the ever important buffet rule of "taste everything, eat nothing".  I had a small sample of fajita chicken with pico de gallo, a small serving of rice with grilled meat, and a little scoop of green beans and almonds.  For dessert I made a small plate with a bite size portion of five desserts for our family to each take a small taste.

I left the Golden Corral with such a sense of accomplishment and yet I felt as though I had enough in my belly to warrant the price of my meal.  In fact I think I will get up in the morning and try on a couple pairs of pants!
Image courtesy of Google Image Search

This reminds me of an Aesop's Fable...


A Hippopotamus went out to a restaurant and he ordered a dinner containing bean soup, Brussels sprouts, and mashed potatoes.  But, when the waiter gave him his order, the Hippopotamus was not satisfied with his “small” meal and ordered a bathtub of bean soup, a bucket of Brussels sprouts, and a mountain of mashed potatoes (he does have an appetite!).  When he got his order, the Hippopotamus ate it all up and was about to leave when he got stuck between the table and the chair.  As the Hippopotamus sat there, everyone else in the restaurant had already left and the Hippopotamus starts to lament his folly about eating too much (while burping occasionally). 

MORAL:  “Too much of anything leaves one with a feeling of regret.” 

With that, and an extremely long post...I will leave you before you have a feeling of regret for reading my blog!